The Inkwell

So there’s this guy, and I can’t tell if he calls himself Mega Genius or if Mega Genius is the name of his get smart program. I can say for sure that Mr. Mega Genius goes around calling himself “The Man With the Perfect IQ”. I don’t have the patience to read his website to clairify his official title, to be perfectly honest. But Mega Genius just released his “Stupidest Statements Awards” for 2008 and they’re really entertaining. The statements themselves are comical but even better are his snarky little comments. Mega Genius issued a press release on January 2 of the Top 10 Stupidest Statements.

1. Vijay Prakash, Indian welfare minister, for urging 5-star hotels to serve rat burgers, rat tail pasta, and minced baby rat meat: “It is very high in protein and the beauty is that we have billions of rats.” August 13, 2008. (Mega Genius: “Does it go well with the Indian custom of drinking urine?”)
2. The editors of Wine Spectator, America’s largest-selling wine publication, for the honor they accidentally bestowed upon Osteria L’Intrepido, a fake restaurant with a high-priced “reserve wine list” compiled from the magazine’s lowest-scoring Italian wines: “Wine Spectator Award of Excellence.” August 2008 issue. (Mega Genius: “You may want to have your blood alcohol levels checked.”)
3. Sarah Palin, US Republican Party’s vice-presidential nominee, for her response to a challenge to name a Supreme Court decision that she disagreed with, besides Roe v. Wade: “Well, let’s see. There’s, of course in the great history of America there have been rulings, that’s never going to be absolute consensus by every American.” October 1, 2008. (Mega Genius: “I think I pulled something in my neck from cringing so hard.”)
4. Mike Huckabee, US Republican Party’s presidential candidate, for his disclosure to South Carolinians: “We used to take a popcorn popper, because that was the only thing they would let us use in the dorm, and we would fry squirrels in the popcorn popper.” January 16, 2008. (Mega Genius: “I think that qualifies you as an avant-garde chef in India.”)
5. Joseph Biden, US Democratic Party’s Vice President-elect, for his recognition of State Senator Chuck Graham, a paraplegic confined to a wheelchair, at a rally in Missouri: “Chuck, stand up, Chuck. Let ‘em see ya.” September 9, 2008. (Mega Genius: “Senator Biden’s speeches are not that inspirational.”)
6. Prince Harry, third in line to the British Throne, for his admission about his country: “I generally don’t like England that much.” February 2008. (Mega Genius: “It’s just so aggravating there, being treated like royalty.”)
7. John McCain, US Republican Party’s presidential nominee, for his revelation when asked if he prefers a Mac or PC: “Neither. I’m - I’m a - illiterate that has to rely on my wife for all the assistance I can get.” January 2008. (Mega Genius: “Again, why was he a presidential nominee?”)
8. Hillary Rodham Clinton, former US First Lady and Democratic Party’s presidential candidate, for her tale of gunfire and evasive action on a trip to Bosnia, in 1996, which video footage revealed never occurred: “I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base.” March 17, 2008. (Mega Genius: “Then she dreamed that she was a ‘00,’ with a license to kill.”)
9. Barack Obama, US Democratic Party’s President-elect, for incorrectly totaling his country’s 50 states during a campaign event in Oregon: “Over the last 15 months, we’ve traveled to every corner of the United States. I’ve now been in 57 states, I think - one left to go.” May 9, 2008. (Mega Genius: “Well, he did promise change to America.”)
10. Oprah Winfrey, American television icon, self-image advisor, and author of a soon-to-be-published weight-loss book, for her bewilderment at her current obese body mass index of 31.8 and weight of 200 pounds (90.7 kg): “How did I let this happen again?” December 9, 2008. (Mega Genius: “My guess is that you have been overeating. May I suggest an Indian diet?”)

www.megagenius.com

Ahh! Make it stop! Make the rhetoric stop, at least for Christmas!

President Elect Barack Obama, let’s just call him Pebo for short, made headlines this week when he chose mega-minister Rick Warren to pray at the upcoming inauguration. Cool, good for both of them. Rick Warren presides over a 22,000 member church in Orange County, California and is the best selling author of “The Purpose Driven Life”. He’s well loved all around the world.

But why, oh why has he chosen  to deliver a “Message of Hope for Changing Times”? Hope and change in the same sermon? I can’t take it anymore! The election is over. I don’t want to hear another word about hope or change. Anymore!

I’m not a curmudgeon or a grinch, honest. And I’m certainly not against hope. But don’t preach to us about change! Sure, times are changing. But if we assume that the only engines of change are God and government, we rule out the idea of free will. And I am the one who controls my destiny. I am the one who can change my own life. I don’t need a Christmas homily or an inauguration speech to make change happen for me.

I’m so sorry to do this. I have a pile of guilt in my heart for doing this. It’s all because I don’t like talking politics. It makes people mad and sometimes you end up learning things about people you wish you never knew. Then your good friend becomes someone you don’t really want to hang out with anymore and suddenly you have drama in your life that you never invited in.

I feel this weight of guilt because in my inaugural post at Unsent Letters , I wrote my letter to John McCain . Two politically minded posts in one day is a lot for me.

Nonetheless, I was listening to Neal Boortz this morning and I laughed right out loud when he said there was a cut-out available on his website that listeners could print and use at their own discretion. It reads,
JUST TRYING TO HELP THE CHOSEN ONE

Here, just cut out this nifty little box and have a bunch of these printed up: